From both sides now

I love this song. Originally written by Joni Mitchell whilst looking out of the window of an airborne plane. Which is exactly what I am doing right now! I have never written a blog 35000 feet in the air, in fact I am not sure I have ever written anything 35000 feet in the air, except maybe an immigration card. But I have 17 hours to kill and I don't do movies or reading all that well in the air. Music yes - movies and reading no. Must be something to do with my eyesight and motion sickness. Or I'm just waiting patiently to die. To really look at life from both sides. But then it wouldn't be life.






My nephew Isaac and I are off to Florida. He is my only nephew - I am his only Aunty - We have no choice. We are stuck with each other.
It hasn't been a long term plan, it all came about quite suddenly actually - but here we are. Bonding. Good Lord who knew that 16 year old boys never. stop. eating. Ever!
I never thought I would have the opportunity to look at life from the responsible parental side - but here I am. I've already misplaced my phone and my wallet and my mind. I don't know who is keeping an eye on who here but I'm keeping up appearances. I only see Isaac 3 or 4 times a year. But at 16 I now realise we can look at each other without speaking and sense each others thoughts. It must be a DNA thing. 




We are off to Winter Garden near Orlando to visit Isaac's godparents Colin and Sara and we are pretty darn excited! I have even become a short term Florida blonde! And we have already agreed 
#whathappensinfloridastaysinflorida!
I have never been to the eastern side of the USA. Only the west side and of course Hawaii. And Isaac has never been to the States at all so this was a first for us both. Immigration was a little confronting - it was helpful that we both carry the same last name and they were convinced I was not kidnapping a teenager who is 6 inches taller than me! 




In the last few months I have been to a run of concerts. All of them superb and all of them artists imitating the genuine artist. I know there is a word for that but we are experiencing a few bumps up here and I can't think of it right now. 
All I can think is why isn't the Captain flying higher! Or lower, or left, or right! Stat!
Simon and Garfunkel, Carol King and Adele.
In fact I have worked out that if I listen to Adele sing 'Hello' 170 times we will be on approach to Dallas- Fort Worth Texas! That doesn't seem too painless now does it? 
I think it's an excellent way of looking at things.

Hello from the outside.. I must have called a thousand times ..

Hello from the outside.. I must have called a thousand times ..

Hello from the outside.. I must have called a thousand times ..

In the early 1980's I saw the real Simon and Garfunkel in Brisbane at the then Lang Park. I remember it was fantastic. In the 1990's I saw Art Garfunkel at the Palais in Melbourne. Also fantastic. There is slim to no chance that we will ever see these guys reunited one last time but I have to tell you these copy boys were awesome. I cringe at this overused word but we are still travelling on this bumpy road up here and I am feeling around for my ginger pills. I am.


For the last 6 months I have once again been commuting over the bridge each day while waiting for my new little shack to be completed in June 2017. It is still ghastly, even worse than 3 years ago - the only difference being that the little red bambino with the 6 speeds, and outrageously overpriced parts had to be traded in. I was immensely gutted. I miss it so much. I have a black car now. It has absolutely no personality whatsoever save for a black pineapple decal. The only thing that I really love about it is that it is automatic. I can actually walk when I get home after battling the bridge. Except for the week I had to have 11 injections in my foot to kill off a troublesome nerve (which ended my tap dancing career) with radio frequency ablation. And the side from which I was looking at that little procedure was not all that flash! 

Three years back I wrote how my boss, the Principal had resigned. 
I'd only worked with her 18 months! And now it's gone and happened again. 
And now I go through the wondering and waiting - what will happen to little old me. 
It's immensely unsettling.
One of my friends introduced me to a version of 'Sound of Silence' by Disturbed.
In comparison to the Simon and Garfunkel original it is a very grungy, earthy rendition and it is fabulous. 
Almost awesome. 

Except of late I often think how much the sound of silence really is disturbing. 
Worrying. Confusing. In so many ways.


But now - having escaped Hurricane Matthew by 10 days, the Zika virus and alligator attacks - here we are at home. Both of us back at school.

What a wonderful adventure we had. Such a beautiful warm welcome and an itinerary perfectly balanced with up time and down time. I think we did it all! Sea World, Cape Canaveral, Disney Springs, Outlet shopping, professional soccer and NFL games, Wild Florida, Airboat rides, swimming, rain, sun and humidity. And boy do I mean humidity. 34' with 98% humidity. Trust me - it was sweat running down your cheeks hot. That would be the cheeks on your face! Cheeky!

Oh and did I mention my Cabana. Well if I saw life from the other side it was in my Cabana. My very own Cabana. With a TV and a fan and a fridge. Six feet away from the adults only pool. With staff fawning all over me. And my name written in the sky! Yes really! 
No not really - I thought it was SUSI but it was actually JeSUS Loves. Oh well!
I was getting a little full of myself.
It was difficult to decide whether to hang in my suite ( yes suite ) or my Cabana. The "Pretty Woman" moments were heady! 





The only thing missing were some friends of legal age to help me decide between a margarita or a daiquiri! 

Best Godparents ever! ( actually the other one is awesome too .. just in case she is reading this! )










And eating - yes we did. No paleo, gluten free, high fat low fat no fat. No gigantic portions. Just really great southern food. With a few hot dogs and mexican grub thrown in.
My favourite night was at the Ritz Carlton. Eating my Key Lime Pie. A little slice of heaven. Secretly, I really didn't want to but I shared it with Team Florida.

Having never been a parent and never understanding the tremendous responsibility of the role I now have a different perspective of the admiration I feel for parents.
We had a wonderful time in Florida Isaac and I, but when the wheels downed in Sydney and we basically ignored each other to be cool - while simultaneously high five-ing and hugging that we had made it there and back without incident - I felt the great weight of responsibility lift. Well actually there was one incident when I threw the teddy out of the pram on the 17 hour flight home, having been travelling 7 hours already, and there was nothing left to feed my boy except fruit salad - FRUIT SALAD!!  Stern words to Qantas have been spoken. I know forever more I will be a marked person but hey! I will give you some advice - NEVER EVER sit in row 28 on an A380 in Premium Economy unless you love Fruit Salad. Because that is all that is ever left to eat. Or so they tell you. Until you have a meltdown and suggest to the jumped up twenty something year old flight attendant that if for $5500 you cannot find me one sausage on this whole freaking aircraft then send the Customer Services Manager down to me NOW!! It worked. I scared everyone around me, I even scared myself a little bit but our boy got to eat. 
And yay me I say. I do.
However -  since stern words were emailed I have received a phone call from a crew member agreeing with every word I said! And on my way home from a quickie to Brissy last weekend the Customer Services Manager on the flight came and singled me out and we had a very nice chat. Indeed. Seems I am a marked person but maybe in a very nice way.

Even though I wasn't really ready to leave such a wonderful holiday, I was quite sad  - it was such an immense relief to arrive home safely from Florida .. until the grim discovery that I was sans handbag. That would be handbag containing wallet, passport, cards, glasses etc etc etc.
The only thing I had was my phone in my hand. Through fatigued tears tears and more tears I called Melbourne Airport to no avail.  I was overwhelmed and resigned. Finally I was put through to a message service and between sobs I left my name and phone number. I could barely understand myself. And then I headed back to Tullamarine. The trolley that had my little Lulu Lemon handbag resting in was gone. The trolley had been collected. More uncontrollable tears. I was officially done in. Fatigued.
So I headed to the lost property desk which doubled as a tour desk where a young man was seated. That poor kid. And in between more tears he finally figured out what I was trying to say and he reached down under his desk and pulled out Lulu. Is this it he said?

If life hands you a lemon - make sure it's a Lulu! 






From despair to euphoria in 5 seconds. 
Jesus really does love!
I've looked at life from both sides now. 
Well in the past 5 weeks anyway. 
I am going back to the brunette side.
And no - I really don't know life at all. Still.


Both sides now - with a French view https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alDjmCnOQYg

Oh happy day ..

"Of all the problems which have plagued me throughout my life - some of them actually happened"


This was the single most powerful statement that resonated with me while "on retreat".

Happy New Year!
I know it was a month ago but to me the New Year always starts on February 1st. A special day.
Kick off day. I find a lot of energy around February 1st. 
And not because I am giving up the vino - even if it is organic.

But this year for me - I have to say, my new view on life kicked off on December 27th!

Sunday the 27th - the big day had finally arrived.
I was excited and yet quietly nervous at the same time.
That morning I had already decided - no coffee. But alas, it is not easy to say no to a Nonna who has the coffee freshly brewed awaiting your very presence.
So of course I said yes - to keep the peace.

My family were dropping me off at Gwinganna in the Tallebudgera Valley.
For two weeks. At the time I booked myself in for two weeks I really had no idea what I was signing up for. I really had no idea what detox was.
I really had no idea how ill-researched I was! I really had no idea about anything.

Lunch at the Marina Mirage, enroute to drop off was suggested.
I said yes - to keep the peace.

I selected seafood. 
Had I known then what I know now - it would have been rump. 
A lot of rump.

It was suggested that giving up alcohol 3 days prior to incarceration was probably a good idea. Translation - give up alcohol on the 24th, 25th, 26th December? 
Like that's gonna happen! 
How else would we amuse ourselves and keep up the pretense of sanity!
My seafood was accompanied by a lovely little rose. To keep the peace.
Just as I had a Frangelico Affogato for dessert. 
To keep the peace.








So by the time we wound our way up Tally Mountain I actually was feeling quite peaceful.
I was so up for this!




Until it came time to say goodbye.
I was quite emotional. Don't get out - just drop me and go!
The words from Star Wars sprang to mind as Mrs Skywalker told her son Anakin as he embarked on a life changing journey. " Go now, be brave and don't look back. Don't look back."  






And I haven't looked back since.
It wasn't easy. In fact it was quite a challenge.


Each day began with a 5:30 am cheery wake up call. 
Knock Knock Knock GOOD MORNING SUSAN!
Occasionally it was difficult to remain 'nice'.
And each day ended at 8:00 pm when I fell into rather an exhausted heap.
The circadian rhythm was VERY important. But I can't tell you the number of times I wished the air conditioner had been a TV - but no matter how many different angles I tried the remote - it just wasn't.
And it wasn't just an emotional and physical detox. Why stop there. A digital detox also.
I have to say - I found a lot of comfort in this and have attempted to maintain it since -  even just a little bit. It did help that coverage was ghastly. And the no phone rule outside of rooms was a big hint. 
Sorry if I didn't like you on Facebook for two weeks.
I was too busy loving myself.






All through the day we ate. We ate a lot. A lot of green stuff. Mountains of green stuff.
Gluten free, sugar free, alcohol free, caffeine free, grain free, dairy free - as well as the green stuff. And two days of each week were vegetarian. More green stuff. 
And pumpkin. So. Much. Pumpkin.
I am slightly exaggerating. The cuisine was spectacular. Even the green stuff. But just so much of it!
And tea. Drinking copious amounts of tea. Detox tea, Calming tea, Licorice tea, Dandelion Tea, Berry and Vanilla Tea, Ginger and Tumeric tea. Tea Tea Tea.






At Gwinganna, I accepted a little reluctantly that this
was no place for prudishness.
Stories of one's bowel habits and life's emotional journey were as abundant as the tea.
'What bought you to Gwinganna' was a very common opening line.
I found it quite confronting to be there alone. Sitting at each meal with eight new people three times a day can wear you down a little. 
But that was a small price to pay for the rest of the day.
All sorts of stuff to enjoy. Two gorgeous pools, they were my favourite - deep water running and water volleyball and basically lolling around. A fully equipped gym with Pilates equipment, my second favourite. 
Dancing and Zumba and Latin Dancing and NIA ( that's non impact aerobic and it's fun fun fun! ) and Yoga and Hiking ( I don't do hiking yuk ), and cooking classes and drumming and Qi Dong and Tai Chi, Meditation, Tennis and gosh I don't remember what else. 
So so much to do.
Or do nothing. Whatever your heart called out to you.

And then we get to the mind. Everyday from 11:00 am to 1:00 pm. All sorts of interesting sessions. The only problem with that was in  the first two days by 11:00 am - everyone was ready to sleep. Detox headaches and fatigue. But battle on we did.
Posture, breathing, pooing ( I did warn you ) sugar, relationships, stress, exercise - so many things to hear and learn.  
The most overused and boring word. Busy. Oh I'm so busy, Oh I've been busy. Oh life is just too busy. I've had a busy bee in my busy bonnet over this word for a while now. I was so elated ( perhaps the detox made my emotions run even higher ) to hear someone else referring to this word being thrown around like it's a badge of honour. Enough of the busy.




But the best part ( and the most exquisitely painful on the pocket! ) was The Dreamtime!
From 2:00 pm to 7:00 pm. The Dreamtime - where the Spa was the most luxurious hangout for as long as your wallet could manage!
Massages , facials, traditional chinese medicine, naturopaths, nutritionists, pilates 1:1 classes, kinesiology ( I'm not a fan ), colonic irrigation ( oddly enough there is a queue for this? ) horse therapy ( sadly not betting ), super crystal steam room and all sorts of psychological counselling should that be your thing.









It was delicious. My first treatment was traditional chinese medicine. For my chronically aching shoulder. Jo - the lovely therapist asked me if I had experience with acupuncture.
I said yes. ( Men skip to next paragraph )  I used to have a very irregular period and it responded very well to acupuncture. 
Well you think at my ripe old age of 54 just one week ago - all that nonsense would be over. But no. Seems I am still ripe. Not twenty minutes after I bid Jo goodbye it was all on. For Gods sake. 43 years and 1 month. 
Ask me about suffering and tension and tears and Kit Kats. Go on ASK ME!! ASK ME!!
I dare you!
When I had a second session with Jo in week two of my stay I firmly warned her against going to those particular acupuncture points ... Enough! Namaste.

Somewhere at around the the halfway point it started.
The itch. Not to pack up and leave though the thought at times was very tempting. 

A really bad itch! So bad I had to use my hair brush to itchy myself and my skin was burning up. 
Heat rash. Me? Surely not.
Too much aloe? Too much magnesium? Too much tea? Too many greens?

It was excruciating. Arms and legs and tummy. And not a bloody anti-histamine in sight. Oh God. With the greatest of respect I am dying here and sucking on an organic leaf is not going to help. I was ready to leave. I called my brother - please come and get me I AM DYING. I was terrified I might have an anaphylactic reaction and die alone in my bed. And destroy the circadian rhythm. With no TV.
Under the cold shower at 1:00 AM for respite.
I was miserable.  Miserable.




Until that was - until the mystical moment that I stepped on the scales. 
Day 12 of 14.  
O.M.G. I had lost 4 kgs in 12 days. O.M G  O.M.G  
 O.M.G  O.M.G !!!!!!!!!!!!
My sluggish thyroid was clearly responding to the detox. 
The tea, the greens, the exercise, the spa, the peace, the pumpkin - I even loved the acupuncture.
My God how much more weight could I lose if I signed up for the Colonic Irrigation?!!?
Not only was I on top of the mountain - I was on top of the world.
After battling to lose even one kg in two years I had lost 4 kgs in 12 days! 
Proud of myself? YES. Immensely.




SO with only two days left, bugger the rash, I hit the gym and I hit the pool and I sweated and I scratched and scratched and scratched until there they were.
My family. Come back to fetch me.
Oh happy days. 
Go directly to Chemist Warehouse, do not stop - Calamine Lotion and Anti-histamines.
I may be an earth Goddess now - but I'm not an idiot. Three days later prescription steroids were called for but to stop the itch - you gotta do what you gotta do!

With the exception of a few glasses of 
birthday rose and a few slices of birthday cake etc etc etc I have managed to stay on the paleo track. I have managed to shed another kg and in doing so I have become a domestic earth goddess barefoot and organic in the kitchen!
I have also has the added bonus of meeting two other earth goddesses with whom I bonded over greens, life and and a touch of cynicism. How lovely that is.

This paleo path won't be forever - sadly some things never are, nor should they be - but it's for now. 
On a poignant little note, this month I will say ciao to the little red bambino.
It has been such a big part of my life for the last 7 years, it has brought me so much happiness and it has brought me so many tight fitting car spots, and we have zoomed through the middle of so many roundabouts - but like me -  the little red bambino is growing older and Italian parts don't come cheaply! I am so grateful it was a part of my life and I hope the next owner loves it as much as I always will  - but like Anakin - I won't look back.

I hope wherever you are today it's a happy day for you and a happy year, with a few glasses of something red, or pink, or bubbly. Organic. 
Happy New Year You.
With love.