"Of all the problems which have plagued me throughout my life - some of them actually happened"
This was the single most powerful statement that resonated with me while "on retreat".
Happy New Year!
I know it was a month ago but to me the New Year always starts on February 1st. A special day.
Kick off day. I find a lot of energy around February 1st.
And not because I am giving up the vino - even if it is organic.
But this year for me - I have to say, my new view on life kicked off on December 27th!
Sunday the 27th - the big day had finally arrived.
I was excited and yet quietly nervous at the same time.
That morning I had already decided - no coffee. But alas, it is not easy to say no to a Nonna who has the coffee freshly brewed awaiting your very presence.
So of course I said yes - to keep the peace.
My family were dropping me off at Gwinganna in the Tallebudgera Valley.
For two weeks. At the time I booked myself in for two weeks I really had no idea what I was signing up for. I really had no idea what detox was.
I really had no idea how ill-researched I was! I really had no idea about anything.
Lunch at the Marina Mirage, enroute to drop off was suggested.
I said yes - to keep the peace.
I selected seafood.
Had I known then what I know now - it would have been rump.
A lot of rump.
It was suggested that giving up alcohol 3 days prior to incarceration was probably a good idea. Translation - give up alcohol on the 24th, 25th, 26th December?
Like that's gonna happen!
How else would we amuse ourselves and keep up the pretense of sanity!
My seafood was accompanied by a lovely little rose. To keep the peace.
Just as I had a Frangelico Affogato for dessert.
To keep the peace.
So by the time we wound our way up Tally Mountain I actually was feeling quite peaceful.
I was so up for this!
Until it came time to say goodbye.
I was quite emotional. Don't get out - just drop me and go!
The words from Star Wars sprang to mind as Mrs Skywalker told her son Anakin as he embarked on a life changing journey. " Go now, be brave and don't look back. Don't look back."
And I haven't looked back since.
It wasn't easy. In fact it was quite a challenge.
Each day began with a 5:30 am cheery wake up call.
Knock Knock Knock GOOD MORNING SUSAN!
Occasionally it was difficult to remain 'nice'.
And each day ended at 8:00 pm when I fell into rather an exhausted heap.
The circadian rhythm was VERY important. But I can't tell you the number of times I wished the air conditioner had been a TV - but no matter how many different angles I tried the remote - it just wasn't.
And it wasn't just an emotional and physical detox. Why stop there. A digital detox also.
I have to say - I found a lot of comfort in this and have attempted to maintain it since - even just a little bit. It did help that coverage was ghastly. And the no phone rule outside of rooms was a big hint.
Sorry if I didn't like you on Facebook for two weeks.
I was too busy loving myself.
All through the day we ate. We ate a lot. A lot of green stuff. Mountains of green stuff.
Gluten free, sugar free, alcohol free, caffeine free, grain free, dairy free - as well as the green stuff. And two days of each week were vegetarian. More green stuff.
And pumpkin. So. Much. Pumpkin.
I am slightly exaggerating. The cuisine was spectacular. Even the green stuff. But just so much of it!
And tea. Drinking copious amounts of tea. Detox tea, Calming tea, Licorice tea, Dandelion Tea, Berry and Vanilla Tea, Ginger and Tumeric tea. Tea Tea Tea.
At Gwinganna, I accepted a little reluctantly that this
was no place for prudishness.
Stories of one's bowel habits and life's emotional journey were as abundant as the tea.'What bought you to Gwinganna' was a very common opening line.
I found it quite confronting to be there alone. Sitting at each meal with eight new people three times a day can wear you down a little.
But that was a small price to pay for the rest of the day.
All sorts of stuff to enjoy. Two gorgeous pools, they were my favourite - deep water running and water volleyball and basically lolling around. A fully equipped gym with Pilates equipment, my second favourite.
Dancing and Zumba and Latin Dancing and NIA ( that's non impact aerobic and it's fun fun fun! ) and Yoga and Hiking ( I don't do hiking yuk ), and cooking classes and drumming and Qi Dong and Tai Chi, Meditation, Tennis and gosh I don't remember what else.
So so much to do.
Or do nothing. Whatever your heart called out to you.
And then we get to the mind. Everyday from 11:00 am to 1:00 pm. All sorts of interesting sessions. The only problem with that was in the first two days by 11:00 am - everyone was ready to sleep. Detox headaches and fatigue. But battle on we did.
Posture, breathing, pooing ( I did warn you ) sugar, relationships, stress, exercise - so many things to hear and learn.
The most overused and boring word. Busy. Oh I'm so busy, Oh I've been busy. Oh life is just too busy. I've had a busy bee in my busy bonnet over this word for a while now. I was so elated ( perhaps the detox made my emotions run even higher ) to hear someone else referring to this word being thrown around like it's a badge of honour. Enough of the busy.
But the best part ( and the most exquisitely painful on the pocket! ) was The Dreamtime!
From 2:00 pm to 7:00 pm. The Dreamtime - where the Spa was the most luxurious hangout for as long as your wallet could manage!
Massages , facials, traditional chinese medicine, naturopaths, nutritionists, pilates 1:1 classes, kinesiology ( I'm not a fan ), colonic irrigation ( oddly enough there is a queue for this? ) horse therapy ( sadly not betting ), super crystal steam room and all sorts of psychological counselling should that be your thing.
It was delicious. My first treatment was traditional chinese medicine. For my chronically aching shoulder. Jo - the lovely therapist asked me if I had experience with acupuncture.
I said yes. ( Men skip to next paragraph ) I used to have a very irregular period and it responded very well to acupuncture.
Well you think at my ripe old age of 54 just one week ago - all that nonsense would be over. But no. Seems I am still ripe. Not twenty minutes after I bid Jo goodbye it was all on. For Gods sake. 43 years and 1 month.
Ask me about suffering and tension and tears and Kit Kats. Go on ASK ME!! ASK ME!!
I dare you!
When I had a second session with Jo in week two of my stay I firmly warned her against going to those particular acupuncture points ... Enough! Namaste.
Somewhere at around the the halfway point it started.The itch. Not to pack up and leave though the thought at times was very tempting.
A really bad itch! So bad I had to use my hair brush to itchy myself and my skin was burning up.
Heat rash. Me? Surely not.
Too much aloe? Too much magnesium? Too much tea? Too many greens?
It was excruciating. Arms and legs and tummy. And not a bloody anti-histamine in sight. Oh God. With the greatest of respect I am dying here and sucking on an organic leaf is not going to help. I was ready to leave. I called my brother - please come and get me I AM DYING. I was terrified I might have an anaphylactic reaction and die alone in my bed. And destroy the circadian rhythm. With no TV.
Under the cold shower at 1:00 AM for respite.
I was miserable. Miserable.
Until that was - until the mystical moment that I stepped on the scales. Day 12 of 14.
O.M.G. I had lost 4 kgs in 12 days. O.M G O.M.G
O.M.G O.M.G !!!!!!!!!!!!
My sluggish thyroid was clearly responding to the detox.
The tea, the greens, the exercise, the spa, the peace, the pumpkin - I even loved the acupuncture.
My God how much more weight could I lose if I signed up for the Colonic Irrigation?!!?
Not only was I on top of the mountain - I was on top of the world.
After battling to lose even one kg in two years I had lost 4 kgs in 12 days!
Proud of myself? YES. Immensely.
SO with only two days left, bugger the rash, I hit the gym and I hit the pool and I sweated and I scratched and scratched and scratched until there they were.My family. Come back to fetch me.
Oh happy days.
Go directly to Chemist Warehouse, do not stop - Calamine Lotion and Anti-histamines.
I may be an earth Goddess now - but I'm not an idiot. Three days later prescription steroids were called for but to stop the itch - you gotta do what you gotta do!
With the exception of a few glasses of
birthday rose and a few slices of birthday cake etc etc etc I have managed to stay on the paleo track. I have managed to shed another kg and in doing so I have become a domestic earth goddess barefoot and organic in the kitchen!
I have also has the added bonus of meeting two other earth goddesses with whom I bonded over greens, life and and a touch of cynicism. How lovely that is.
This paleo path won't be forever - sadly some things never are, nor should they be - but it's for now.
On a poignant little note, this month I will say ciao to the little red bambino.
It has been such a big part of my life for the last 7 years, it has brought me so much happiness and it has brought me so many tight fitting car spots, and we have zoomed through the middle of so many roundabouts - but like me - the little red bambino is growing older and Italian parts don't come cheaply! I am so grateful it was a part of my life and I hope the next owner loves it as much as I always will - but like Anakin - I won't look back.
I hope wherever you are today it's a happy day for you and a happy year, with a few glasses of something red, or pink, or bubbly. Organic.
Happy New Year You.
With love.
