Morning has Broken: The heart has reasons ..

I have always been enchanted by hearts.

When I was in my twenties I loved hearts so much that one of my friends used to call me Heart.

I’d forgotten that until recently.

However I am not particularly fond of them plastered every little where and over every little thing.

But I do know a good heart when I see one. I do.

And when they disappear off the radar, I miss them dearly. I really do.
But I understand that the heart has reasons ..

This is why I have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day.

It’s all a little confusing. Because when we get to the heart of it – the heart’s job is to pump blood. That’s all. Just pump blood.

So why is it always the icon for love?

Maybe because like with so many ‘jobs’ including my own, there’s all those little unsaid and often unrecognised responsibilities that go with the territory. The co-curricular activities.

When we have a premonition about something we ‘feel it in our bones’.

But with other things of a more gentle and telling nature - it is more likely to be

‘in my heart I knew’.

Late in 2011 I became a little bit sick. Well alot sick actually.
At first I just felt it in my bones but in the end, in my heart I knew.

I was diagnosed with Grave’s Disease but I prefer the more generic name – Hyperthyroidism!
I mean really – Grave’s sounds all abit dismal and doomed whereas Hyper sounds like so much more fun!
But to be honest the symptoms were so incredibly diverse that it really wasn’t that much fun.
Initially anyway .. It all began with fatigue – in my bones I knew something was just not right.

Dragging myself out of bed every morning and calculating the hours until we could

re-introduce ourselves.

I can understand why the medical profession can remain so detached.
Because when crazy things start happening to the body it really is quite intriguing.

The second symptom was the one which really triggered alarm!
Uncontrollable shaking of the left leg when I put the clutch in on the little red bambino! So violent that I had to keep pulling over until a few days later the cutest little car in the carpark had to be rested for a few months.

And then when my hands started shaking and the cup was doing the hula on the saucer – well that certainly raised a few eyebrows .. until finally when an old friend gave me a hug and said ‘you’re trembling’ well even I had to come out of denial.

Which of course triggered the 3^rd most intriguing symptom.

Crying!

Oh my goodness – rivers of tears – incredible crying crying crying.
And sometimes crying because of the crying!
In fact I think Michael Clarke should have his thyroid tested. I really do ..

I’ve always cried easily. At times it is embarrassing. But at last I have an excuse!

For the thyroid controls the metabolism and the emotions.

Sad – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Crabby – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Irrational – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Outspoken – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Speeding - oops sorry - you know officer - thyroid .. joking ..

But mostly it was just crying.

One day in the early weeks of my diagnosis, me and my shaky hands went to the ATM to withdraw $300. I retrieved my card but forgot to take the cash. When I remembered close to 2 minutes later and rushed back - the cash was gone.

Drought? What drought ..

The next and undoubtedly most exciting symptom was weight loss!
Rapid weight loss. Like here today and gone tomorrow.
Which was sort of understandable because I couldn’t keep anything down.
Well that’s a lie. I could keep 4 things down. Just little bits ..

1. Gatorade (red was my favourite!)

2. Cheesecake

3. Lemonade

4. Ritter hazelnut chocolate

I have to tell you. I love Ritter chocolate. We fell in love overseas many years ago in a duty free something somewhere .. When I discovered a few years ago that the Continental Butcher in Yarraville stocked Ritter chocolate I was elated. He’s not called the Sausage King for nothing! My little pal who also lives in Yarraville was my supplier.

Because the next two symptoms on the check it off list were insomnia and muscle wastage! I was so exhausted and my poor legs just wouldn’t even carry me more than 50 meters.

No walking to the Sausage King for me!

And I have to admit – the insomnia seems to have held on a little bit too long for my liking. Though it is always surprising to learn how many of us out there are not sleeping together!

But the final conclusive evidence were the palpitations.
Erratic and increased heart rate. It was really very scary. (Cue crying)
I was very frightened.

Never have I been more aware of the heart than during this period.

But for more than this one reason. When I was not feeling so great I didn’t really share with a whole lot of people just how really not great I was. As is oft the case – best not to worry them. But for those who did know how really not so great I wasn't, I will never forget how loved and supported I really was. More than I would ever have expected.

Even though I felt dreadful I also, when things started to balance out - had a lot of fun! I couldn’t help it. Such were the support crew.
So this little Valentine's blog is for you.
From the heart. With love.

The other day the gang and I were discussing February the 14th.
The consensus was that there is all too much seriousness around it. Not enough fun.
It's all a little too intense.
I have to say of all the Valentine's 'stuff' I have received in my life, and there has only been a little - the most exciting and attention grabbing was a card sent anonymously!
Someone needs to put the cheeky back in Valentine's.
Today !!!!!!