It's included in Windows 7.
I can't believe I didn't know about this before.
It has changed my life completely.
I hope my Hand Surgeon has a good Snipping Tool next Tuesday or this might well be my last blog.
It's all on. I'm off to the hospital. And I am very frightened even though I am pretending not to be.
In fact - I am very very very frightened but at least it has given us something to get through the lunch hour with, that's after we have finished perusing the Death Notices.
Just in case an old Grammarian has fallen off her perch sans Will and last testament.
I have insisted that my gang live this little adventure with me.
We have a food roster drawn up for when I will be one handed.
Though in reality I am more worried about my hair than my stomach.
Last week was great fun - a team building exercise filling out the pre-admission booklet!
Considering the number of pre-existing conditions I have it was surprising that most of the boxes were ticked 'NO'.
They wanted to know if I took Fish Oil?
Fish Oil for God's sake. Well I do, and ginger and tumeric - but I was so offended at their lack of interest in my more serious ailments that I ticked NO!
I have a daughter now. And it's so wonderful. She arrived in January.
A legacy of the Christmas Lunch we think?
Which none of us can remember very much about.
My colleague is her father we think .. we aren't completely sure .. and the agreement is that his boyfriend isn't to find out .. but we just LOVE her to pieces.
Out of the blue - she just appeared in the office next to me and I tell you that child has not given me one minute of trouble since the day she arrived.
God I just love being a mother. If they send her back to the UK after her working visa expires I just don't know how Daddy and I will cope.
That's if I come out of the anaesthetic.
And I have to say - I am loving my blue nails! When I woke up the first morning I did get a little bit of a fright though, given that we had all been jabbed with the tetanus, whooping cough and diptheria needle the day before.
I thought strike a light my nails have turned blue.
But I have to remove it before the big day. I guess so they can see if my nails really are turning blue?
They didn't ask me on the pre-admission booklet whether my immunisations were up to date.
And they didn't ask me if I had a battered heart either.
Which was probably lucky because I would just have had to insert my own box labelled 'totally'.
Yep. I met another seemingly nice bloke. Really really nice.
I was told to go with my gut. So I did.
But sadly it didn't help.
He said he was falling in love with me.
He told me all sorts of lovely things.
He spoke of a tentative future.
And ever ever so cautiously I allowed myself to be taken in.
I leapt off the precipice.
But a few weeks later the arms that caught me were gone.
He wanted to have a relationship with me but he didn't want romance. Gosh.
If there was a question on the pre-admission booklet 'do you suffer from confusion?', I would have to tick 'overwhelmingly'.
Oh well.
So I bought an apartment.
Yep. That's what I did.
Walked down Bay Street - handed over my Visa and bought an apartment.
Off the plan. Due for completion in October 2016.
My friend said 'Holy Crap - most girls just get a haircut'.
Do you suffer from delirium? Occcasionally - tick!
It's not my first impulsive real estate purchase. In fact it's my fourth.
And they all ended well.
It right next door to the Pineapple Shack. I'm planning a Year 7 excursion to help me with the move ...
And even though I never dreamt I would be a rate payer in beautiful Brighton the realisation has hit me now of the consequences of handing over that Visa.
I could use a little more anaesthetic. Stat.
So here I am.
It's all over now.
It was quite exciting really in hindsight.
And I only fainted once.
And it wasn't even in the hospital.
I was at home. At 3am. Phew!
As the anaesthetic wore off, the pain set in and in and in. Gosh it really did.
I have to say that the staff at the Glenferrie Private Hospital are wonderful.
Generous with their care.
Though the anaesthetist and I had a few words. He was quite bossy.
He said he wouldn't give me a general anaesthetic.
I said I wanted one.
He said no.
I said yes. I said I don't want to feel, see or hear anything.
He said you won't feel or see anything.
I said what about hearing.
He said maybe.
I said NO. I do not want to hear ANYTHING.
He said but we don't want you still asleep tonight.
I said that didn't matter it would be fine. No feel. No see. No hear.
So finally after a 1 and 3/4 hours snooze - into the theatre they wheeled me.
Into the holding bay and there I lay. There was a dead spider on the roof.
I thought I hope this is not the last memory I ever have.
A lovely nurse with pretty pink lipstick and turquoise glasses took care of me.
I said to her, I hope you are the first person I see when I wake up.
The bossy anaesthetist came and stuck a plug in the good hand.
The surgeon came and drew all over me.
Then they wheeled me under the lights and I wriggled onto the table. Gee it was hard.
Then bossy anaesthetist injected me with something and the bright lights dimmed.
And then I woke up and there she was. Pretty pink lips and turquoise glasses.
And a lovely smile welcoming me back.
After a little while they took me back to the ward. They gave me a cup of tea and some sandwiches. They weren't very nice but as they were all being so caring I told them they were lovely.
Dr Bossy advised me of pain killers and anti-inflammataries but to be honest I don't think I paid enough attention. Hence the 03:00 faint.
Oh well.
My hand is still very sore.
A different sore than prior to surgery but sore nonetheless.
I am not sure if my love line or my life line has been altered. Haven't had too close a look at the forming scar.
It was kind of nice being on sick leave but not really being sick. And no driving. That was nice too.
Sleeping in, coffee, lunch, nails, movies, sleeping again.
But it's also good to be back at school.
It's good to see my daughter and get a great big hug everyday and all my pals.
And bring back all the tupperware that they all so generously fed with me with!
Who knew I was among so many Nigella's.
I will always be grateful.
And grateful also for the vacuuming. Very.
Today a parcel of dead rats was delivered to school and signed for. For Biology.
The parcel is now missing.
I haven't stopped laughing all afternoon at all the theories.
And there I was - concerned about a dead spider.
But I won't be eating chicken around here anytime soon!
Time for a new project. One that involves no pain.
Decorating an outdoor space sounds lovely.
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