The heart has reasons ..

I have always been enchanted by hearts.

When I was in my twenties I loved hearts so much that one of my friends used to call me Heart.

I’d forgotten that until recently.

However I am not particularly fond of them plastered every little where and over every little thing.

But I do know a good heart when I see one. I do.

And when they disappear off the radar, I miss them dearly. I really do.
But I understand that the heart has reasons ..

This is why I have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day.

It’s all a little confusing. Because when we get to the heart of it – the heart’s job is to pump blood. That’s all. Just pump blood.

So why is it always the icon for love?

Maybe because like with so many ‘jobs’ including my own, there’s all those little unsaid and often unrecognised responsibilities that go with the territory. The co-curricular activities.

When we have a premonition about something we ‘feel it in our bones’.

But with other things of a more gentle and telling nature -  it is more likely to be

‘in my heart I knew’.

Late in 2011 I became a little bit sick. Well alot sick actually.
At first I just felt it in my bones but in the end, in my heart I knew.

I was diagnosed with Grave’s Disease but I prefer the more generic name – Hyperthyroidism!
I mean really – Grave’s sounds all abit dismal and doomed whereas Hyper sounds like so much more fun!
But to be honest the symptoms were so incredibly diverse that it really wasn’t that much fun.
Initially anyway .. It all began with fatigue – in my bones I knew something was just not right.

Dragging myself out of bed every morning and calculating the hours until we could

re-introduce ourselves.

I can understand why the medical profession can remain so detached.
Because when crazy things start happening to the body it really is quite intriguing.

The second symptom was the one which really triggered alarm! 
Uncontrollable shaking of the left leg when I put the clutch in on the little red bambino! So violent that I had to keep pulling over until a few days later the cutest little car in the carpark had to be rested for a few months.

And then when my hands started shaking and the cup was doing the hula on the saucer – well that certainly raised a few eyebrows .. until finally when an old friend gave me a hug and said ‘you’re trembling’ well even I had to come out of denial.

Which of course triggered the 3^rd most intriguing symptom.

Crying!

Oh my goodness – rivers of tears – incredible crying crying crying.
And sometimes crying because of the crying!
In fact I think Michael Clarke should have his thyroid tested. I really do ..

I’ve always cried easily. At times it is embarrassing. But at last I have an excuse!

For the thyroid controls the metabolism  and the emotions.







Sad – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Crabby – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Irrational – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Outspoken – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Speeding - oops sorry - you know officer - thyroid .. joking ..

But mostly it was just crying.

One day in the early weeks of my diagnosis, me and my shaky hands went to the ATM to withdraw $300. I retrieved my card but forgot to take the cash. When I remembered close to 2 minutes later and rushed back - the cash was gone.  

Drought? What drought ..

The next and undoubtedly most exciting symptom was weight loss!
Rapid weight loss. Like here today and gone tomorrow.
Which was sort of understandable because I couldn’t keep anything down.
Well that’s a lie. I could keep 4 things down. Just little bits .. 

1.       Gatorade (red was my favourite!)

2.       Cheesecake

3.       Lemonade

4.       Ritter hazelnut chocolate

I have to tell you. I love Ritter chocolate. We fell in love overseas many years ago in a duty free something somewhere .. When I discovered a few years ago that the Continental Butcher in Yarraville stocked Ritter chocolate I was elated. He’s not called the Sausage King for nothing! My little pal who also lives in Yarraville was my supplier.




Because the next two symptoms on the check it off list were insomnia and muscle wastage! I was so exhausted and my poor legs just wouldn’t even carry me more than 50 meters.

No walking to the Sausage King for me!

And I have to admit – the insomnia seems to have held on a little bit too long for my liking. Though it is always surprising to learn how many of us out there are not sleeping together!

But the final conclusive evidence were the palpitations.
Erratic and increased heart rate. It was really very scary. (Cue crying) 
I was very frightened.

Never have I been more aware of the heart than during this period.

But for more than this one reason. When I was not feeling so great I didn’t really share with a whole lot of people just how really not great I was. As is oft the case – best not to worry them. But for those who did know how really not so great I wasn't, I will never forget how loved and supported I really was. More than I would ever have expected.




Even though I felt dreadful I also, when things started to balance out - had a lot of fun! I couldn’t help it. Such were the support crew.
So this little Valentine's blog is for you.
From the heart. With love.

The other day the gang and I were discussing February the 14th.
The consensus was that there is all too much seriousness around it. Not enough fun.
It's all a little too intense.
I have to say of all the Valentine's 'stuff' I have received in my life, and there has only been a little - the most exciting and attention grabbing was a card sent anonymously!
Someone needs to put the cheeky back in Valentine's.
Today !!!!!!

I am almost completely better now.
The little red bambino and I are well and truly back on the road.

Occasionally the palpitations are still there.

But that's a good thing.

Because the heart always has and always will have the final word.

In the New Year I bought this little trinket. And I wear it alot. And I really really love it. I think it says it all.

But one should always make time for a little cheekiness!
Oops - sorry - you know - thyroid ..

The End

Friday I've got Monday on my mind ..

Today is a special day.
1st February.
For many reasons a special day.

This week we had a guest speaker come to our school. A 'motivational' speaker.
A successful business/sportsman.
The interesting thing however was that he did not try and motivate.
He spoke more about commitment.
For without commitment motivation is nothing.

He spoke about the 'starting on Monday' syndrome.

In Australia, today heralds the commencement of Feb-Fast. A commitment to no alcohol for one month. Before any of you think I am jumping on that particular bandwagon stop right there! Some of us have to be a little bit sensible.

In fact last Friday night I made THE most exciting discovery .. and that is .. Frangelico does not freeze!


1st February 
Exactly 1 week after my birthday. Said good bye to Christmas.
Came to terms with the New Year. Celebrated another birthday and braced myself for twelve of God knows what will be around the next corner.
And here we are.

1st February.
Not a Monday. A Friday! The perfect day for some commitment.
Starting now.

I love cake.
I really do.
Any kind of cake at any time of the day or night.
It is my sweetest downfall.
Well, maybe my third.
I even have a bag heralding my beliefs.
Well today for a little while I have put that bag away.
Well away.
I have made a commitment - no cake for two months. 
There I've said it now.
It's out there.
I think I'm going to faint.





But back to the Frangelico.
I received the most lovely little pipe glasses for my birthday.

With instructions - send a picture when I use them.
To be honest I don't like to drink alone.
Makes me sad.
However, having said that a little Frangelico doesn't make me too sad ..

But how to get the ice cube in the glass? Impossible.
So I put the Frangelico in the pipe glass and put the whole thing in the freezer.
I thought this showed great commitment.
Only to forget about it until the next morning.
My first awful thought .. the glass will have shattered!
But it didn't.
What did happen was the Frangelico hadn't completely frozen.
But it had become a slushee!
And I have to say in the tone of one who feels they have made a quite joyous discovery .. IT WAS ABSOLUTELY SENSATIONAL!
And I am now preparing one every morning.
For the evening ahead.
I am showing commitment!
Just joking.
Sort of.

I toyed with the idea of losing 5 kgs by Easter.
What seems like a very long time ago I was an Easter Bride.
And Easter that year fell mid April.
So in my mind Easter is always mid April.
I thought that seemed like a reasonable enough commitment. 5 kgs by Easter.
Until someone told me Easter fell in late March this year.
What! That is only 8 weeks away ..



My commitment was quickly revised down to 3.5 kg.
Motivation? Me?


I came across this quote.
And I fell in love with it.

Commitment ignites action.

So it's back up to 5kg.
The only problem is .. Oh God .. I don't even know how to say this ..
It's truly embarrassing.
I actually forgot to weigh myself this morning!
I did! I was so focused on my commitment. And my hair ..
What if I gain a kilo today? What if I lose a kilo today?
What if i just shoosh up ..

So.
1st February.
A most special day of the year.

And I hope it is special for YOU too !!!!!!

Aquarius

Well .. if smashed avocado isn't de riguer on every breakfast menu in every foody cafe in Victoria then I don't know what is!
So far January has been a slow month. Too much time to think. I needed a project.
So quite unexpectedly I fell into the groove of ordering smashed avocado every time I ventured out for breakfast.


And being the holidays and all, and being grounded in Australia I ventured out quite abit.

I grew up with an Avocado Tree in the back yard. Just to keep the Mango and the Macadamia company. Though the word Macadamia was all just abit too posh back then. It was the Queensland Nut Tree. No pretentions in our back yard.
Our little Garden of Eden was all very well balanced.

Thankfully my Mother didn't charge us $17 a pop for Avo on toast. Though she could have upped it to $25 - for most of the time we were eating prawns AND avo on toast. Big fat juicy and fresh off the trawler prawns. We didn't pay for the prawns either but that's another story for another day. Sometimes she even grilled a little cheese on top for us!
Yes .. it was all very well balanced indeed.

At Christmas time I bought myself a new camera. It's quite flash! It has all these lovely little icons - landscapes, food, fireworks, the ocean, people, etc etc etc and it can even sense when someone is smiling! I had visions of uploading a plethora of gorgeous gorgeous pictures to my blog. The only problem is the the UPLOAD icon on BLOGGER IS NOT WORKING! How ghastly! At first I thought it was just me, until I did a little online research. Seems it is an epidemic! Fix it BLOGGER people - please please fix it. I don't have time for all this hoo har.

And a blog with no pictures would be quite unbalanced indeed!

For 5 days in a row I ate smashed avocado.
In this exact order I ate it - in Lorne, Yarraville, Brighton, Port Melbourne and Williamstown.

When I came 'home' to Victoria from 'home' in Queensland I felt a little glum. No rejuvenation for me in Hawaii this year but I craved the ocean. The real ocean, not the bay. The sea. The salt. The waves. The sand. So in the New Year I headed to Lorne for a few days. With my new camera! And I must say. It has been quite a number of years since I have been to Lorne and I had forgotten what a beautiful stretch of beach it is. And it really is. The colour of the ocean was magnificent. Turquoise. And pristinely clear. It was perfect. Except for one thing. The ocean was freezing. Oh my. It really really was. FREEZING!



Even I who will throw myself into any body of water at any given moment .. like I said - oh my!


Many many years ago I read that if you splashed icey cold water on your breasts at the end of every shower they will forever stay firm! And of course I believed it! And my God can you believe it - it's turned out to be true!
Stop laughing .. for when I emerged from the ocean in Lorne, Ursula Andress I truly was. That's how freezing it was!
I was feeling extremely well balanced!

One morning I took myself off for a very long walk along the beach. From one end to as far as the eye could see. I climbed over the many rock pools and thought about all the years the ocean has been washing away at them creating all kinds of interesting formations. No matter how many times the waves kiss the shore, only to be sent away - the waves keep coming back. Sort of like birthdays. I will be forever grateful to my lovely friend Rosie for teaching me very early in life the benefits of exfoliation! I can't find any new wrinkles today though who knows what tomorrow will wash up!  Just like the waves on the rocks. Smoothing smoothing smoothing. I'm telling you - get onto it. There's alot to be learnt and to be gained from the sea.
Very balancing indeed!

 
This week is my birthday. God. To be honest I am trying to kind of not focus so much on that this year, but reading the Sunday magazine a few days ago I turned the page and along the top screamed AQUARIUS! I did have a slight quickening of the heartbeat I do confess! I love being an Aquarian. And I love to meet other Aquarians. Kindred Spirits.



And I LOVE LOVE LOVE always having a holiday the day after my birthday!

Balanced?

Lorne is a very long stretch of beach. The first day I threw myself into the big freeze I was surprised at how small the flagged area was. Considering the hoardes of holiday makers I really was very surprised.

That morning when I walked up the beach quite early-ish I was quite a long way from the flags when I saw a very large, what I guessed to be an extended family swimming just a little way off shore. At first I was a little worried for them as they didn't really look like they could swim very well. There was an awful lot of splashing going on. And then I realised that the women were covered from head to toe. They didn't want to be in the flagged area. Coming from a family who spent their lives devoted to Surf Life Saving I found myself feeling a little edgy.
Until the next day.

The next day it was 42' and the entire length of the beach both in and out of the water, flagged or not, was heaving with people. And I realised that for just that day there was enough water for everyone. Enough beach for everyone. And everyone got on. And very nicely. And for that day it didn't feel so cold. And everyone found their place. It was a happy day.
Very well balanced.

But back to the avocados.
The winner was Yarraville. My favourite little cafe. Cornershop. Hands down the winner.
Out of the 5 contenders it covered all the bases.
Avocado - not too smashed!
Rocket - fresh and just enough.
Goats Cheese - so much better than Feta or Haloumi. Just a little.
Chilli in the avocado. Grated very finely. Just a little.
Sourdough. An oily sourdough.
And the winning edge - a slice of lemon.
Because it balanced everything else out.
Beautifully.

This year I will aim for more balance, I will stay on my toes but I will never forget the beautiful 
little touches that always keep it interesting..

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt ..

My last blog entry concluded by expressing thanks to my oldest friends for still being there.

Sadly a couple of days ago with a very heavy heart I attended the funeral of my first very best friend. Between the ages of 6 to 15 we were inseparable.

Long before the term 24/7 was coined that was us.

Annette and I.  Me and Annette.  The two of us.

We first ‘fell in love’ in 1968 - midyear in grade 2 at primary school. She was assigned to look after the new little girl. That would be me.  She took the role seriously, from the very first day. Annette was really lucky in the ’really lucky’ world of childhood. She lived 3 houses away from school. Not from the front gate but from the big hole in the side fence. Near the arboretum. It was most firmly against the rules to go through ‘the hole’. And so of course for 6 years we did! Sometimes we even ran screamimg .. particularly when someone yelled snake!

Annette’s house was the stop-in point for me every morning and every afternoon and sometimes even at lunch time if we managed to sneak unseen through ‘the hole’. And on the days her mother worked, Annette and her brother came to my house to ‘be minded’. We spent so much time together we honestly believed we looked alike. But I was the brunette to her blonde. And she was fair skinned while I was always golden. And she wore glasses. I was always fascinated with this particular accessory and begged her to let me wear them whenever possible! She looked angelic, while I resembled a chocolate.

In all the hundreds of weeks and thousands of hours we spent entertaining each other we only ever fell out once.

When we weren’t at school we were at dancing. We danced away the years. Ballet, Tap and Jazz! We orchestrated lavish productions every lunch hour for our classmates. One particular year we were separated. She was in one class and I was in another. It was devastating. And even worse was that our cast was displaced! So Annette decided to put on her own production. I really can’t remember why but I was incensed! And I was even more incensed when I got word she was using props. PROPS!

Annette showed particular promise at ballet and on Saturday mornings was taken to a special ballet class. I was in awe of her and was almost as excited as she was the first time she went en pointe! I desperately wanted to go en pointe too! I desperately wanted pink satin shoes with long pink ribbons. But my mother wouldn’t let me. It was swimming followed by Brownies! I was never indoors. Is it any wonder I resembled a chocolate. Wearing flippers. With a love of belts, hats and bags. When all I wanted was a tutu.

So - Miss Annette was pulling out all stops with all her little tips gleaned from ‘special ballet’. My God – while my lot were singing the theme song from Gilligan’s Island her lot were Singin’ in the Rain and she was Debbie Reynolds. With umbrellas no less! Oh yes indeed behind that blonde angelic smile and those pussycat glasses was a fighter. Little did we know.

It was all on. Suddenly I became Calamity Jane and complete with holster and cap gun I was ready to ‘just blow in from the windy city’. Until the great finale was a spectacular failure when the cap gun failed to ‘cap’ and I wished desperately that I was whip crack away, whip crack away, whip crack away ..

That night at swimming club Annette’s mother and my mother had had enough. They demanded that we both hug and make up. And so we did. It was all that easy. Because we had had enough too. We desperately missed the routine of our young lives. And we missed each other. And then we ate Twisties. Because that’s what you did at swimming club.

When it came time for high school Annette was sent to the local Catholic College to become a young lady and I was sent to a not so local State High School. These schools proved very successful for very early in life she became a married young lady and I was in quite a state!

Annette’s funeral, as with all funerals of those who die relatively young was extremely emotional. But the saddest moment for me was hugging her Mum. I could feel it in her arms that she that she was remembering, and I was silently wishing I didn’t look quite so healthy. Foolish I know. Her little fighter battled cancer for five years and she died emaciated and paralysed, the pussycat glasses long gone but it was said that the smile was there until the end.

Annette had a purple casket. Purple was her favourite colour – although I never knew that. Everyone was encouraged to write on the casket with the markers provided. I chose not to do so. Firstly because I wasn’t sure if I would be able to stop, but mostly I was concerned the words would be smudged and illegible.

 The funeral was in the Northern Suburbs of Brisbane, an area I am not so familiar with these days. By the time I found my way home after one slightly wrong turn I had had plenty of time to think about life and good health in general. It was a very hot and particularly humid day. And I desperately needed a swim. And a drink. But I found myself questioning.

Did we really need open that bottle of icey cold Sauvignon Blanc?

Should I slather myself with sunscreen and was I too old to be pulling on a bikini on the eve of 51 and maybe just a wee bit cuddly right now? Just a wee bit mind you!

The answers were probably no or yes, not in any particular order, but I really didn’t care. Not for that one day, it wasn’t important.

Tonight is New Year’s Eve.

Christmas is for families and New Year's Eve is for lovers. And love.
And those with brave faces.

This is my gesture of love to my first very best friend. Annette and me.

This afternoon I watched Les Miserables.

“At the shrine of friendship, never say die
Let the wine of friendship never run dry
Here's to you and here's to me”

2013 – Let’s do this.

Then I go Bom Bom

When I christened my new blog ‘bombe2012’ I think perhaps I was a little too much in the moment. I’m wondering does it give the connotation that come the end of 2012, come the end of the blog?

I am unsure.

Wow – it’s December! Last week I was asked how I would decorate the office for Christmas. Of course my first response was - the same way I decorate it every day –  just show up! But then the serious side of my nature crept in. I haven’t been at this school throughout a Christmas period. Does everyone decorate their office? Or was there just an unwritten expectation that this role take the lead?

I am unsure.

I love Christmas. I admit it – I am a Christmas girl. I’m not a Griswald but I do enjoy decking the halls and I so love a good Christmas light. I do draw the line at them flashing on my chest or dangling from my ears though!
I live on a corner block and I feel it is my neighbourly responsibility to make the gateway to the street impressive!
Tastefully impressive!

I also love a good Christmas Carol. My favourite being ‘O Holy Night’. Though I do wonder about how many of us have loved someone so much that we are given to fall on our knees? Well ok – maybe once or twice ..

So I thought that would be a great place to start. No! Not the knee thing .. Christmas carols throughout the old house.

For I work in an old house – 103 years old and converted into offices.

It is lovely. Just lovely.

And lends itself perfectly to the sound of carols playing throughout the lovely hallway. I downloaded a lovely compilation, plugged in the iPod speaker out in the hallway and away we went. It was all meant to be oh so lovely ..

"Going up in the dark of the night and so I go ooh ah ah ah ah...
I've brought a pie in my pocket, pie in my pocket, an eye in my socket.
you got life, you got style, you got nothing on my mind.
But I'm so cool, and I'm so groovy, when I go Bom Bom!"

OOPS! Wrong playlist! How did that happen!

I am unsure.

But I do love that song. It's great fun!

Isn’t it intriguing how sometimes one little word can become part of your life in so many unexpected little ways. When I called my blog 'bombe' it was purely sentimental - short for Flowerbomb among other reasons. My most favourite perfume ever.
It really is a little explosion of loveliness.

In a few weeks I'm heading home to my family. It will be so great to see them. It's been a whole year. I have to be honest – I am feeling a little forlorn about Christmas this year. Last year I had a whole month of distraction planned. Maybe it was too much. It was over-exciting. This year not so much in the pipeline. What will the week in Cedar Creek bring, apart from a little sunburn?

 I am unsure.

Though I do know I will be receiving a little bottle of FlowerBomb. I always do! And I do know that at Brissy Airport I will be pulled aside and scanned for bombs! I always am! I do know that I’ll be doing a couple of inappropriate and immature bomb dives in the pool with my little mate. We always do! And I do know we’ll be sitting out on the verandah on Boxing Day night with a bottle of very good red watching the BOM and waiting for the rain to blow on in. Because it always does.

And I do know there will be a few tears. Because there always are ..

But this year I have also learnt that the most unexpected pleasures can very well be the loveliest - and a tiny little bit magical.
Even if they bring a few tears.
Just like Christmas.
Of this I am sure.

I hope that wherever you are this Christmas - there is some Christmas loveliness there for you. For all the new friends I have made this year - thank you for allowing me into your lives. And for all the old .. it's good you're still there. x

'I want 16 pints of rrrrum and then I go Bom Bom!'

Dream a little dream ..

I love a good landmark.

Not that I drive with any measure of uncertainty but I do like to know precisely where I am going and I do like to  absolutely be in the right lane – or the left -  should it so happen.
I like to plan!

 

 

 

I am not particularly fond of GPS either. 
I’m not really sure why. I’m just not.

Admittedly, I am not that quick with left or right - that is without taking my hands off the wheel!

I used to look at my beautiful locket ring.
But I lost it.
About the time I lost my way. Prior to that I always thought I knew what was right.

I started thinking about landmarks while driving along the Beach Road to the pool of the morning.
There’s a lovely old sandstone building with a bell tower and a flag at Albert Park.
I don’t know what the building is but I do know it’s my landmark.

It’s my without taking your hands off the wheel you must absolutely turn left here right now!
And I can see it from miles away.

It stands tall.

I researched the word landmark. There is an abundance of different meanings.

But the one I loved the most was this.

Originally, a 'landmark' literally meant a geographic feature used by explorers and others to find their way back.

There are times when we all need to find our way back.

And it’s easy to feel a little directionless.

In the last few months I have been battling through a book. Recommended to me.

The battle hasn’t been not relishing the story.

The challenge has been to not let my mind wander as to why I am reading this book in the first place.

In the first few pages there is a line where one of the main characters as a young boy ponders what he will do throughout his life.

And his thoughts are 'whatever is right’.

It jumped out at me immediately.

Because it is amazing how invariably what is right can change so quickly from what was right then to what is right now.

For you.

My favourite song of the minute is Carry On by Fun!

Cause we are we are shining stars
We are invincible we are who we are
On our darkest day when we're miles away
So we'll come we will find our way home.

This week all around Australia Year 12’s are completing their final weeks of schooling. Countless numbers of Valedictory and Farewell speeches are being written and read. I know this because in between gazing out of my office window I have been editing and proof reading several of them.

 

As a small aside - gazing out of my window there stands another lovely landmark.

It is a magnificent oil palm, reminiscent of the hundreds that can be seen from the air on approach to Honolulu International Airport.
But here there is only one.
And as no other office has the perspective that I do, I kind of sentimentally think of it as my own!
I have even gone so far as to stick a hula girl decal on my window to create a 3D effect!

I know .. the Principessa thinks I’m tragic too .. but I prefer the word imaginative!

In fact I am going to take a photo of it right now so you can see! Imaginative? I'm sure you'll agree!

But - finding my way back..

I think if it were up to me to write and deliver a valedictory speech it would be very short and sweet.

It would go something like this ..

It is perfectly fine to be a dreamer.
To hold a dream in your heart.
But it is equally important to have a landmark.

So that if you lose your way you will always know that there is something still there - to guide you back.
Something or someone to help you find your way back.

But. There may well be times when you will need to hold your head high, stand tall – and be your very own landmark.

To do whatever is right.

With what is left.

For you.

And bring yourself home.

Only one week until the Melbourne Cup!
And for the past 2 years I have studied hard and backed the winner.
Even posted it on Facebook to share the love!

And while my heart still says Dunaden, I am thinking that Mount Athos is starting to look like a very good landmark.

And who could possibly resist the Lights of Heaven!

"May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground - Carry on!"