BTW ..

I can't seem to stop crying.
And it's not my thyroid.

It's the signs.
It's all to do with the signs.

My sweetest pal suggested we stop looking for signs.
I was a little shocked really because it's kind of our thing.

And the signs have mostly come good for me. I've had a little luck.
But I haven't had a big luck.
Not this week anyway.





The Carnival is over.
And I'm not referring to the Seekers performing at Hamer Hall last night.
I didn't have the privilege of attending, however some of my friends did.
When 'The Carnival is Over' was being performed they called me.
Clearly they too ignored the signs
'ALL MOBILE PHONE MUST BE SWITCHED OFF'.
But I didn't care - I just lay in bed and had a little sing-a-long with myself!
That passed a minute.


The carnival really is over however.
The Spring Racing Carnival in Melbourne.
I've done okay but this week I've felt the losses harder than usual.

It's the signs.
They were all there but I just needed to pay closer attention.
I was off my game.

It started with The Cup. I saw a sign in Red Cadeaux.
It wasn't intended to be a sign for me but how elated I was anyway to see it flying home.
But I didn't think to choose it. I wasn't my sign.
But of course I saw a sign for myself in Fiorente and Mount Athos.
Talk about foolishly throwing a trifecta away.
OFFS!

I love a good acronym. I am not particularly fond of WTF but I am attracted to OFFS. It covers a whole gamut of frustration!
And today was an OFFS day.

It was the signs.
I am not going to focus on the fact that last Thursday, Ladies Day, I tipped 3 out of 4 in the Oaks Day quaddie. Because I didn't have to look hard for the signs there. It was all based on mathematical algorithms. Yep. Right. Tipped the winner Kirramosa. The jockey who was dumped from riding the Cup winner.
If he didn't have something to prove .. well no-one did.
I sure saw that sign!
2. Surge Head and 4. Backstedt. Check and check.
Number 3. The Dilmah Stakes. I said it. Well Lankan Rupee would have to win that. There's a sign. I said it out loud. I did. And then I backed Planet Voyage.

I am not going to focus on the fact that for a measly fiver I could have won $7k.
No. I'm over that now.
WTEVR!

But I AM  going to focus on the Queen Elizabeth Stakes today.
Today I was completely overwhelmed with the signs.
I was torn between separating the chaff from the hay.

I tipped Horse 2 in Race 6 - Buffering.
I tipped Horse 2 in Race 7 - Boban.
I tipped Horse 2 in Race 8 - Precedence.
BTW - Precedence was only declared the winner after a heart stopping protest

And then we came to Race 9.
The final race of the Spring Racing Carnival.



And it was here I fell apart.
OFFS.
I really had to CTFD and concentrate.
Horse 2 - Longport - ridden by the dumped jockey.
He would have something to prove again surely?
Surely? 
Don't we all love a big finish .. ?
Don't we?
Indeed.





Horse 4 - By The Way. BTW. A sign. Mentioned recently.
By my same mate who chose number 2 when I asked them to give me a number - again recently.
Yep. Number 2. That's what they chose.


OMG. Conflicting signs.

Four? Two? Four? Two?
And what are the odds that 2-2-2-2 would come in?
I'll tell you what the odds are.
$11,131,50
For a measly fiver.

And so I went for the 4.
I said it - I actually said it - out loud ..
Right I said -  I am following my heart on this one.
And then I said - not that that has ever gotten me anywhere.
OFFS - I even said it. Out loud.
And I haven't been able to CTFD since.

 

2-2-2-2
Tutu Tutu  - OMG my keyboard is seizing up from my tears.
How many pictures of TuTu's have I posted?
How many times have I waffled on about TuTu's?
OFFS.





I can't even read my own signs!
OFFS and BTW - why didn't I just do two measly $5 quaddies?
I really really don't know.
My mind has clearly flown away.

I'm done.
I'm registering for 'I wake up with today!'

But on a positive note - while I was having coffee in blingy Brighton this morning with my girlfriend, a not so blingy bloke sat down next to me and our eyes met over the Form Guide. We exchanged tips and then he proceeded to fiddle with something for the next 5 minutes. Good Lord. My friend was almost hyperventilating trying not to laugh. I was giving her the 'will you STFU' look and refrained from offering to give him a hand. Until WHOOSH the whole table practically took off across the floor as the stuck zip on his coat finally became free. To lighten a rather awkwardly hysterical moment for us all, I asked him if there was a App for emotional betters like myself called 'LIPS TIPS' would he buy it?
And he said - with pleasure.


It was the sign I needed.
I have made my first sale.
Now I just need my APP.
'Lips Tips'
That will be me.

It's good to have something to keep your mind busy.

The Carnival is Over.
It's time to store my beautiful Fortnum and Mason fascinator for another year.
I can hear the rain on the roof and my battery is almost dead.
It's a sign.
Bed.

The Carnival is Over.

'I will love you til I die ..'

The thief who stole my heart ..

How lovely! I have been invited to a wedding. The ‘bride’ is exactly half my age and she is a little like me – 25 years ago. She refers to me as her Fairy Godmother. Though I am fairly certain that to be a good Godmother you must renounce sin. Seeing as how we fell in love over a showgirl red lipstick, with just a hint of our best bits – well - out there – I’m not certain anyone would buy that. She is me – 25 years ago - except for one thing. Very early in life she knew what she wanted. Personally and professionally. And she gives 200%. Unlike me, she was not a late bloomer. And for this I have immense admiration for her. 

 

We don't see each other a great deal these days but when I get a text message with the opening line ‘Hello beautiful’ well what old Fairy Godmother could not love this kid.

A few weeks back on The Project they were discussing the 5 best inventions of the short term past. I can’t actually remember how short term but there was no-one more happier than I when the Hair Straightener came in at Number 5! I was jumping around the lounge room and cheering. Just like when Dunaden was finally declared the winner of the Cup two years back after a heart stopping and agonising wait.

But one of the first four inventions was text messaging. And on this I wholeheartedly agree. I am not a mad text messager. But both at work and at play it has its place.

My boss, the Principal and I communicate via text all the time regarding pressing matters. In fact just an hour ago I sent her a text message with the picture of the Coach handbag I most desperately need for her to buy me at the knockoff joint in the Silk Markets in China! Oh I so hope her global roaming is working because I have not had a response as yet and I am slightly worried I forgot to call Telstra on Friday!

 

Last year I wrote about goodbyes.  After only 2 months at my new school my boss the Principal (the one currently looking for Coach handbags in China) tendered her resignation – with a 5 term notice period. I referred to it then as ‘the long kiss goodbye’ and boy oh boy it sure has been. This week I met my new boss, the new Principal, due to hit the streets in January. And she’s just lovely. And even lovelier is that her daughter, like myself, enjoys keeping her mind busy studying the form – the horse form that is. Phew. Because I was a little bit worried that my in-house betting syndicate might all have to go to hell in a handbag. A Coach handbag. But Friday lunch time with the highlighter and the Form Guide seems to appear ‘safely held’ for now.

The ‘long kiss good bye’ is almost over. It was a busy week last week. Torn between two lovers.

That was certainly interesting. Managing anxieties – not least my own. Thank God the Cup is almost upon us. On Thursday night 13 of my colleagues, myself, and our new Principal and her husband dined out. Having organised this small but excruciatingly important function, I was desperate that my first gig was hailed a success. Being loyal to the last minute I was seated next to my current Principal directly across from the new girl. I reminded Ms Now that she was $10 in arrears in the syndicate. She handed me a tenner which I placed in the beautiful silver bread bowl – now empty. The wife of a new colleague whom I had never met before, seated on the left of me asked me what it was for? So I told her I was collecting money for the Cup. A big trifecta. Well – she turned to her husband and demanded $20. In the bowl it went. I then asked them to continue passing the bowl around the table. And around the table it went. I could barely keep from spitting out my $200 a bottle glass of French champagne I was laughing so hard. Because I wasn’t really collecting for any big trifecta. But decorum prevailed. And when the bowl made its way back to me with $180 in total there was no-one more shocked than I!

It was without doubt the most successful team building exercise I have ever facilitated! But more than that, Ms Future now knows she can rely on me to get the job done…creatively. It was the best ice breaker ever. And then all chat turned to racing. It is Spring in Melbourne after all and yes it has just started raining.

The Bride and I share many girly loves, but I think in the number 1 barrier would be all things hair. While I am still excitedly jumping around Dunaden style that the hair straightener (which curls) made the top 5 list – there is a new kid on the block. And I just can’t find the words. Just imagine you are eating a very long piece of spaghetti – you know – just sucking it up like when you were a kid (or last night) – and then imagine spitting it out and it is a perfect long sausage curl. You don’t believe me do you? I would never kid you about anything hair. It is too much fun. I can’t stop playing with it. It’s called a Rusk. Google it now.

 

Thanks to the Cup we have four days off to play dress up. And I need it. Because my hand is very tired. From curling my hair and from working on my spreadsheet. The Cup spreadsheet. It’s been a torrid few weeks out there on the track. Clearly the favourites didn’t receive a text message advising them that they were the favourites. My Carpal Tunnel is also playing up. I am not really sure if I have Carpal Tunnel but my Mum says I do so I must. She said my Nanna had it. My Nanna also had hyperthyroidism just like me. So my Mum says it’s a sign. And if she says it’s a sign then it must be.  

My Nanna and Grandad were married for 62 years before they passed away within a few weeks of each other. They didn’t use text messages to communicate. Of course they couldn’t. They just knew each other. They were connected in mind. Which connected them in love. The last time I saw my Grandad alive he was wandering around outside the care facility they both spent their last year in. I said to him, ‘let’s go inside and find Nanna’. When we got inside we were confronted with an array of many grey haired elderly women sitting in chairs. He said to me ‘which one is she?’ And I said ‘you’ll know when she kisses the top of your head Grandad’. My Nanna often, when moving past my Grandad if he was sitting down, leant down and kissed the top of his head and then just moved on. It brings a tear to my eye when I think about it. It was how they communicated. Nanna was almost bedridden for the four weeks in between when Grandad died and when she followed. She didn’t say much in that time. I think she just closed her eyes - she was already with him.

 

I can hardly wait for the wedding. It is in December. An opportunity for many of us to be together on the wonderful trail to Christmas ..

But November here we are. I  always look for a sign. In every race I look for a sign. I pretend to be extremely superstitious – but in truth I’m not. It’s all just a little fun! Last year I thought Mount Athos was the sign. Even though - I kid you not there was a Green Moon two weeks prior to the race which I completely dismissed! And last night I did ‘sea’ a moon so maybe there’s a sign…but all morning I have been contemplating the draw.  I have narrowed down my choices .. so .. here we go.

Sea Moon (though I’m edgy about Green Moon)

Dear Demi – because my sweetest mate thinks GI Jane is a stupid movie and I just love it and we have recently had a robust discussion re this subject and I need to win this argument! So there ..

Fiorente – just because ..

Oh Oh Oh! I just received a text message from China! Bag in hand! It's a true sign. Well done Annie. Don't ever lose hope that the longest shot can come in.

 

But 'seriously' in the last few minutes it has come to me.
How could I have almost missed this beautiful sign.
Back on February 14^th I wrote about my love of the heart.
And Pink does feature occasionally in my life in many ways..

‘Right from the start you were a thief who stole my heart and I your willing victim’ Pink

 

Voleuse De Coeurs - Number 17 – It’s my sign.

 

It's like love ..

As a child I was given the opportunity to learn to read music, play the piano, the guitar and the flute.
All of which I am sad to say I embraced half-heartedly.
Which is rather confusing because I have always loved music.

But have I always loved music or have I always loved words?
Until recently the truth would be words.

I have fallen a little bit in love.
With the violin.

I have fallen a little bit in love.
With my earphones.

I have fallen in love.
With listening.

Yes I have been a little clumsy of late you might say.
Falling, falling, falling ..

A couple years back, maybe just last year in fact, Tourism Australia embarked on a campaign, a visual treat backed by the music of a Tasmanian singer songwriter Dewayne EverittSmith entitled 'It's Like Love'. 

I was drawn to it the first time I heard it.
I was drawn to the words.
The piece commences with an evocatively moving violin rift.
Kind of makes you want to find a fire place, a bottle of red and a very special someone. 
Stat!









I have recently purchased the cutest little retro radio that doubles as a fantastic speaker given the right connections. The sound quality is superb. It was playing in my office. (fondly referred to as 'the shop' by my colleagues) One of them commented how lovely the song was and it was interesting to hear myself referring to the violin interludes.


When I was a child, like most children, we learnt the various parts of the orchestra.
The woodwind, the brass, the keys, the percussion, the strings.
When I was a child I listened to the radio and the record player and faithfully watched Countdown every Sunday night.
I heard the drums Fernando.
But did I really hear?

I think therein lies the answer.
Whoever invented those lovely little round padded earphones particularly conducive to girly ears is a hero.
The superiority of every little component and the recording expertise in this life we live, provides us with such beautiful quality that it has completely changed the way I hear music.


And the way I think.

'Violin interludes?'
When did I become an aficionado on 'violin interludes?'. Good Lord.
But I have. And I didn't even realise it was happening.
'Take it in and let it heal your heart'.

Did you know that the world's favourite song of the moment by Passenger 'Let Her Go' is full of violin interludes. 
Pop in your earphones and take my hand ..

Well you see her when you HERE fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep HERE

Well you only need the light when it's burning low HERE
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go  HERE
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go



HERE
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh) HERE
Well you let her go
HERE! HERE! HERE!

True - this piece would be beautiful sans violin, but here the violin seems to almost be listening.
Kind of like talking. The speaking is not always the most important part.
Sometimes it is the listening. And the coming in at the right moment. When you can enhance the conversation. 
Add interest. 
Polish.


And yet then again sometimes, still just sometimes, a comfortable silence is the best feeling ever.

I urge you to rediscover your earphones, the songs that do it for you - and seek out YOUR violin.
I promise you. 
'It's like love for the first time, it'll all make sense you know - Take it in and let it fill your heart.'  HERE









A few weeks ago I strolled over to the music department and demanded in the nicest possible way that they hand me over a violin. 
And they did!
It's like love ..

HERE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSG6B25-pCo  It's like love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26SDD60m_kY  Let her go

Cool Change

The weather is a funny old thing.
It affects our mood, our wellbeing, our timing, how we dress, what we eat, how we sleep, what we drink, where we reside, our occupation, our travel.
It affects many choices we make.

We do in fact, live by it.

Post September 11, I asked a close friend, a pilot, did he have concerns about terrorism. His response was he was more concerned about weather. I vividly remember he didn't say 'the' weather. It was just weather.
I guess that's how important it is.
It required no definitive article.

Of all the places I have resided, and there have been a few, I have never come across a phenomenom more intriguing than Victoria's very own 'Cool Change'.

I have never known anything that sparks such excitement, such anticipation, such wonderment and such a sense of approaching relief as those two little words - 'cool change'. It's the greatest chinese whisper ever, a ripple effect that engulfs a city, a state. And the fact that it can be almost timed to the minute really is incredulous. 36' one minute - throw open the windows - and 22' the next.




I have to say - I think that unless you have ever been lucky enough to experience this little gift of nature you may not understand how really magical it is - but it is.

And boy - do we need a cool change right about now.

Ten days of temperatures in the mid 30's. It doesn't really sound all that diabolical, but the thing is that this is around the clock. There has been no reprieve come nightfall. No let up. And temperaments have become a little frazzled. The cool change may not have arrived on the outside but it has certainly arrived on the inside.


I have observed closely different behaviours in the last few weeks.
And sadly, I have to say alot of it has not been so charming.  When so much has been done to improve climate change, it seems disappointing that spiralling temperaments can bring it all undone.
But you know what. I don't care.
There comes a time where you just have to say I no longer care. For now anyway. Because I am being my very own cool change. I. DON'T. CARE. Fight it out among amongst yourselves. 
Just give me a doona and a self saucing pudding.

I'm down to my last half a Stillnox. And my Doctor is not very quick handed with the prescription pen! I feel like the walking dead. Can't sleep with the aircon on, can't sleep with it off, can't sleep with the sheet on, can't sleep with it off, can't sleep with the fan on, can't sleep with it off, can't sleep with clothes on and definitely can't sleep with them off!! Ooh wah - naughty! But how will my dreams ever come true if I can't get to sleep!

And I am almost destitute paying the electricity and the petrol bills. The price of petrol has been scandalous in the last 3 weeks - when everyone is using double what they normally would because it is being sucked up by the aircon. It's a conspiracy. And as for pedicures. They are sending me broke. All I want to to do is wear my boots again. That's all I want!
That's it!


This morning I saw the darndest thing. On the bridge. Normally the left inbound lane is the quickest as it is the first exit. But not this morning. Crawling, crawling,crawling while all other lanes were whizzing by .. until suddenly I saw why. A pedestrian! A young lady walking along in the left lane (this is not a pedestrian bridge!) wearing a motor bike helmet. Not walking actually - more like striding. And with a face of thunder. All I could think was that she about to jump. Or maybe she was a Grand Prix protestor? It was all very mysterious. Until I got to the bottom of the bridge, the first place anyone could possibly pull over. And there was the answer. A motorcyclist. A young man, standing beside his bike. Looking back up the bridge. With a face of absolute fear. Dread. I don't know what happened. Did she fall off the bike or did she jump off. Did he push her? I don't know. But I do know one thing. With the looks on those faces the cool change will have certainly arrived at the bottom of the bridge this morning ..

Which means it will be here in Brighton in 17 minutes!
So throw open the windows 
Shout it from the rooftops.
'The cool change' is coming ..
I am excited!

This blog is dedicated with thanks to my friend and colleague Dr Erikson who refreshed my memory regarding adjectives, verbs and articles - not of the couture type!

The heart has reasons ..

I have always been enchanted by hearts.

When I was in my twenties I loved hearts so much that one of my friends used to call me Heart.

I’d forgotten that until recently.

However I am not particularly fond of them plastered every little where and over every little thing.

But I do know a good heart when I see one. I do.

And when they disappear off the radar, I miss them dearly. I really do.
But I understand that the heart has reasons ..

This is why I have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day.

It’s all a little confusing. Because when we get to the heart of it – the heart’s job is to pump blood. That’s all. Just pump blood.

So why is it always the icon for love?

Maybe because like with so many ‘jobs’ including my own, there’s all those little unsaid and often unrecognised responsibilities that go with the territory. The co-curricular activities.

When we have a premonition about something we ‘feel it in our bones’.

But with other things of a more gentle and telling nature -  it is more likely to be

‘in my heart I knew’.

Late in 2011 I became a little bit sick. Well alot sick actually.
At first I just felt it in my bones but in the end, in my heart I knew.

I was diagnosed with Grave’s Disease but I prefer the more generic name – Hyperthyroidism!
I mean really – Grave’s sounds all abit dismal and doomed whereas Hyper sounds like so much more fun!
But to be honest the symptoms were so incredibly diverse that it really wasn’t that much fun.
Initially anyway .. It all began with fatigue – in my bones I knew something was just not right.

Dragging myself out of bed every morning and calculating the hours until we could

re-introduce ourselves.

I can understand why the medical profession can remain so detached.
Because when crazy things start happening to the body it really is quite intriguing.

The second symptom was the one which really triggered alarm! 
Uncontrollable shaking of the left leg when I put the clutch in on the little red bambino! So violent that I had to keep pulling over until a few days later the cutest little car in the carpark had to be rested for a few months.

And then when my hands started shaking and the cup was doing the hula on the saucer – well that certainly raised a few eyebrows .. until finally when an old friend gave me a hug and said ‘you’re trembling’ well even I had to come out of denial.

Which of course triggered the 3^rd most intriguing symptom.

Crying!

Oh my goodness – rivers of tears – incredible crying crying crying.
And sometimes crying because of the crying!
In fact I think Michael Clarke should have his thyroid tested. I really do ..

I’ve always cried easily. At times it is embarrassing. But at last I have an excuse!

For the thyroid controls the metabolism  and the emotions.







Sad – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Crabby – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Irrational – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Outspoken – oops sorry – you know - thyroid ..
Speeding - oops sorry - you know officer - thyroid .. joking ..

But mostly it was just crying.

One day in the early weeks of my diagnosis, me and my shaky hands went to the ATM to withdraw $300. I retrieved my card but forgot to take the cash. When I remembered close to 2 minutes later and rushed back - the cash was gone.  

Drought? What drought ..

The next and undoubtedly most exciting symptom was weight loss!
Rapid weight loss. Like here today and gone tomorrow.
Which was sort of understandable because I couldn’t keep anything down.
Well that’s a lie. I could keep 4 things down. Just little bits .. 

1.       Gatorade (red was my favourite!)

2.       Cheesecake

3.       Lemonade

4.       Ritter hazelnut chocolate

I have to tell you. I love Ritter chocolate. We fell in love overseas many years ago in a duty free something somewhere .. When I discovered a few years ago that the Continental Butcher in Yarraville stocked Ritter chocolate I was elated. He’s not called the Sausage King for nothing! My little pal who also lives in Yarraville was my supplier.




Because the next two symptoms on the check it off list were insomnia and muscle wastage! I was so exhausted and my poor legs just wouldn’t even carry me more than 50 meters.

No walking to the Sausage King for me!

And I have to admit – the insomnia seems to have held on a little bit too long for my liking. Though it is always surprising to learn how many of us out there are not sleeping together!

But the final conclusive evidence were the palpitations.
Erratic and increased heart rate. It was really very scary. (Cue crying) 
I was very frightened.

Never have I been more aware of the heart than during this period.

But for more than this one reason. When I was not feeling so great I didn’t really share with a whole lot of people just how really not great I was. As is oft the case – best not to worry them. But for those who did know how really not so great I wasn't, I will never forget how loved and supported I really was. More than I would ever have expected.




Even though I felt dreadful I also, when things started to balance out - had a lot of fun! I couldn’t help it. Such were the support crew.
So this little Valentine's blog is for you.
From the heart. With love.

The other day the gang and I were discussing February the 14th.
The consensus was that there is all too much seriousness around it. Not enough fun.
It's all a little too intense.
I have to say of all the Valentine's 'stuff' I have received in my life, and there has only been a little - the most exciting and attention grabbing was a card sent anonymously!
Someone needs to put the cheeky back in Valentine's.
Today !!!!!!

I am almost completely better now.
The little red bambino and I are well and truly back on the road.

Occasionally the palpitations are still there.

But that's a good thing.

Because the heart always has and always will have the final word.

In the New Year I bought this little trinket. And I wear it alot. And I really really love it. I think it says it all.

But one should always make time for a little cheekiness!
Oops - sorry - you know - thyroid ..

The End